Wanting to Need

I want you in my life, I need you. And I need you in my life, I want you to be in it. Stuck in the middle of a beautiful disaster, spreading chaos from the epicenter, me. Totally conscious of the imperfections in both, between desire and necessity. My explosion of love is pushing everything away from me, incapable of return. See what I need is for me and you to implode, sacrifice and to love. All I want is you.

My Biggest Fear

Being alone is scary. Knowing that at this point in time nobody wants to be with you or that there is just something that is keeping your life from being that much happier is disheartening. And let's say you was the one that was doing all of the breaking up, it doesn't mean you never cared and that you still don't. I want to be someones everything, in terms of relationships. I want to be the guy that they will only say yes to. Yes, I would love to go on a date with you. Yes, I want to be your girlfriend. Yes, I want you to be my first. Yes, I want to marry you. Yes, I want you to be my one and only. Biggest Fear: Is I'm scared that every girl I care for is gonna find a better man and end up happier in the long run. It makes me feel like I was not good enough for her to make that extra effort to be with me. It's not even like I want to be with her I just want to be the only guy she wants to be with and the only guy that was different and the only guy that was better.

Men Are Dogs....

Curiosity killed the cat and generosity killed chivalry. Somewhere behind these opened doors and good morning texts, you found the audacity to take me for granted. Yeah, us men are dogs, they're our best friend and we share a lot in common. But, you women are definitely cats. Explains the name we give the most powerful controlled substance on the planet, no need to say it. And when you want to, you will purr and receive the love you ask for. And us "dogs" chase it. For the owner of our hearts, we do tricks in exchange for the entertainment we confuse for love. I guess that's why SPCA exists. Too many "dogs" and not enough love. And it's crazy how slang evolves, the word to describe how I was treated is dogged, and like one, I will still stupidly love you. You should take my smiles for growls as I expose these canines. And when I call you bitch, it's because I can only see you as the dog you once saw me as.

A Letter to My Sunset

Dear My Sunset,
Things are about to get dark and things will begin to go bump in the night. You're my last bit of light, protection from the things that go unseen in the night. The day was filled with laughter and joy and it's because only your light could make beauty seen. And even when the skies were cloudy, you always came back with something more amazing than before, a rainbow. But now you're leaving me and I can't do anything but chase you around the world. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm gonna miss you and that I have no power over whether I'll see you again. This night may just take me away from here, never to see you again so, at this dusk, I'm making a rope so that I can catch you and have you for a little longer... the world doesn't want us together. And until I'm in the heavens with you, I ask you to please come back tomorrow. That way I'll know you're constant and not a shooting star that I will only see once but continue to wish upon.

Appreciation Without A Push

Sometimes, people just don't know how much they mean to me. It means so much just to notice me and acknowledge the things I'm trying to do. And it's all genuine and that much sweeter. For those of you who went to school with me, it may seem a little weird to see me say those words but its the truth. For the longest time, I went unnoticed, unappreciated and I was truly hurt. And I owe it all to Eli for the man I am today. His death was a blessing in disguise. God was showing me how much of an impact one man can have and that he doesn't have to be famous. I appreciated my relationships a lot more after his death and its cliche but its the truth, you never know how much something meant to you until its gone. And in my case at the moment, I'm leaving a strong support group physically and in most breakups, its saddening, difficult, arduous and you tend to regret the fact that you didn't show enough appreciation towards somebody. With me however, I feel so blessed to see how many people have just expressed to me how much their gonna miss seeing my face, I'm hella badd haha. But seriously, to know I meant something is moving, its beautiful, its a blessing. And to my exs and all the girls that didn't give me the time of day a few years back, look at me now. You mad. I just want to end by saying thank you to everyone who opened up to me and allowed a little chocolate into their life haha.