Why We Put Ourselves Through It....

I've been wanting to post a new blog about this topic but I guess it's taken so long because I couldn't find the words. To really get it all out. I was hurt before and that shit hurts, it truly does and I continued to let it happen with that same person. Why couldn't she have the same feelings towards me? I'm worthy... After her, I wanted to become the shit, maybe then she would want to be with me. I mean I treated her right, I thought I played it right, but it just didn't work so now I'm gonna be everywhere. She won't be able to get away from me and I'll be in everyone's mouth. But through these efforts, I became cold, real cold and I guess this is where my reputation as a player came from. In my eyes no other girl came close and truthfully they didn't. I could just drop one girl and go on to the next perhaps it was her close friend, I really didn't give a fuck. But I got caught up. This girl was that girl that could become the world to you, the one that should be in the white dress. I told myself to not keep my guard up, be truthful to this girl and I got hurt. This always happens but it's just the shit you cannot control and thats why we keep going back. We want that control because with that comes security. We see the potential, the excitement rises because we found someone we can be comfortable with. I don't have to be Kwaun Williams, varsity basketball team captain, senior class president (yea, that's me, the kid that used to stay in the library at lunch). And I thought that I had her, there's no way she would go to anyone else, unlike the others, I could love her because she would be stupid to not feel the same way. Well she's stupid because that isn't what happened. How she would see it, why would Kwaun Williams want her? She wasn't with Kwaun Williams, it was Q who loved her...